


see you and i reach (muscle memory)

by bitterandbisexual



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Season 2 spoilers, Sleeping Together, plus 1, set during season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 05:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17719382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterandbisexual/pseuds/bitterandbisexual
Summary: Nico never thought she’d let anyone near again. But here she is, laying in a bed she shares with someone that makes her feel safe and loved, someone who makes her happy.Someone who she hasn’t cared this much about since Amy.Nico doesn’t ever want to sleep without Karolina by her side.(Five times Nico sleeps with Karolina.)





	see you and i reach (muscle memory)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Muscle Memory by Lights. because it gives me sad deanoru feelings

_1_

 

 

At some point of her life as a teenage runaway, Nico has deduced that she likes girls and likes kissing them - or at least, Karolina Dean. 

If someone had asked her about her sexuality four days ago, Nico would've confidently told them that she was straight. 

But then Karolina had kissed her, and she began questioning everything she had ever thought she knew about herself. 

She had pulled away from the kiss - not out of discomfort, but surprise. Part of her wanted to say something but she quickly became preoccupied by a sudden warmth blooming in her chest. Her eyes flickered open and the first thing she saw was Karolina's mouth, pink lips stained with black. She then became aware of the slight tingle in her own. 

Nico closed her eyes. The kiss had felt good. She liked it. She liked the feeling it made in her chest.

So, she leant up and kissed Karolina back. 

They didn't talk about it, and understandably so. Getting walked in on by their friends, having a standoff with their parents and a glowing man, and Karolina sacrificing herself for the team didn't exactly provide them with much opportunity.

Once they had gotten Karolina back and settled down, Nico decided that it was time and set out to look for her. 

She found the blonde in the van, putting on a yellow top, her back towards her. 

Upon the sight, Nico had felt something stir in her chest and a warmth creeping up her neck. She quickly diverted her gaze and made her presence known.

They traded words, exchanged long looks. Nico was planning on talking about them - whatever they were - with Karolina. She really was. 

But Karolina was sitting there, her face for once at the same level as Nico's, her blue eyes soft and a shy smile on her lips. 

And suddenly all thought flew out the window and her lips were all Nico could think about.  

Obeying the newborn sensation in her chest that was tugging her forward, she walked over and kissed Karolina. 

They slept in the van that night with Karolina's back pressed against Nico, who had a hand on her waist. 

Which led them to now - living on the streets and sharing a tent. 

They're sharing a tent and they  _still_  haven't talked about it. 

Karolina had kissed her again earlier which chalks up the count to a total of three kisses and zero conversations about their relationship. 

Are they in a relationship? Nico doesn't know. All she knows is that they have kissed three times and Nico has felt something flutter in her chest each time they did. 

So far, Karolina has shown no indication of wanting to talk about them. Or maybe she has, and Nico just hasn't picked up on it. Nico isn't sure. 

Nico huffs in exasperation and picks at the chipped polish on her nails. Here she is, alone, sitting crossed-legged in a tent surrounded by other homeless people, and being worked up over this. Realistically, she should be worrying about surviving on the streets and being a wanted fugitive, not about the state of her relationship with the girl she likes. God, it's starting to drive her  _insane_ -

"Hey." 

Nico whips her head around and said girl that she likes is crouching at the entrance of the tent with a broad grin on her face, bright blue eyes shining. 

Karolina has a small green bag in her hand. "I got us a sleeping bag," she explains as she makes her way inside the tent. It's a tight squeeze so Nico scoots over to make space for Karolina. Their hands brush in the process, sending a wave of sparks up Nico's arm and down her spine. 

Nico forces herself to ignore the tingling sensation invading her body and clears her throat. "Only one?" She asks. 

Karolina nods and begins laying out the sleeping bag. "Yeah, Alex only got four." 

So they were going to share a sleeping bag.  _Cool, cool, cool, cool_ - 

"Nico," Karolina pauses her actions, turning to the other girl. Her brows are furrowed with concern. "You okay?" She places a hand on Nico's leg, just slightly above her knee. That's when Nico cracks. 

"Can we talk?" Nico asks abruptly. "About us?" Her voice wavers slightly as she clarifies, "As in..." she gestures back and forth in the space between them. "... this?" 

"Oh." Karolina slowly removes her hand. She sits down at the opposite side. "Yeah, sure." She isn't making eye contact with her. 

Nico looks back down at her black nail polish and nervously begins picking at it again. She doesn't know how to start, generally not good at expressing her feelings.

They sit in silence for several minutes, the only audible sounds coming from outside of the tent. Nico glances up and sees Karolina nervously chewing at her lip. 

Ultimately, Karolina is the one to break the silence. "I'm sorry that I thought- I can switch tents if you want, it's perfectly fine-" 

"What?" Nico interrupts, confused. 

Karolina looks equally as anxious as Nico feels. "I didn't mean to just assume that we were dating and that you liked me and-" 

"I do like you, dummy." Nico interjects. "That's what I want to talk about." 

"Oh.” A wave of relief rushes over the blonde’s features.

"I think that I have for a while now,” Nico adds, suddenly nervous. “Which is why I want to define this.”

The corner of Karolina’s mouth tilts into a small smile, her eyes fixed on Nico’s. She sounds bashful when she says, "Well, I like you, too.”

Nico can feel a blush creeping up her cheeks. She pauses for a moment before asking, “So, does that mean we’re… together? Dating?”

“If you want.”

Nico swallows nervously. Her heart is throbbing almost painfully against her ribcage. “I do.”

“I do, too,” Karolina grins. Her stare drops from her eyes to somewhere lower. “Can I kiss you?” She asks, tone hesitant.

Instead of answering with words, Nico leans up and kisses Karolina in response to her question, placing a hand on the back of her neck to deepen the kiss.

Nico could – no,  _wants to_  - spend the entire night lost in the sensation of Karolina’s mouth on hers. She doesn’t ever want to stop but their broad smiles soon make it physically impossible not to and they are forced to break the kiss.

They slip into the sleeping bag together when they sleep. It’s a tad too small for the two of them and Nico uses this as an excuse to latch onto the Karolina. She doesn’t object to it.

They may be homeless and wanted by the police but in Nico’s opinion, if she’s dating Karolina Dean, how bad can life be?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_2_

 

  
When Nico took notice of the draft in their room, she had thought that it was just a small breeze.

Turns out, she was wrong. Incredibly wrong. Their room was fucking  _freezing_.

Nico suppresses a shiver as she feels a gust of cold wind through her shirt – which, and just her luck, is made of mesh. She mentally chides herself for being so invested in her own goth get up that she forgot to get a proper set of clothes.

She burrows deeper into the blanket around her, but it’s too worn and thin to provide much heat. Feeling a warmth radiating from her right, Nico instinctively shifts closer to the other side of the bed.

“You feeling cold?”

It takes a moment for Karolina’s voice to register in Nico’s brain. Nico opens her eyes and when her eyes have adjusted to the dark, she can see Karolina’s figure pressed up against her. Nico then also realises that she is clinging onto Karolina’s side like a koala bear.

Cheeks burning from embarrassment, Nico inches away slightly to give the blonde some space. She takes in the sight in front of her. Despite the darkness, she is able to make out the details of Karolina’s face.

Even after spending the day getting beaten up, Karolina is still as beautiful as ever. Her blonde hair is dishevelled, and her gentle eyes are bleary, like she has just been woken up abruptly – and Nico realises that’s exactly what has just happened.  

Guilt instantly floods her chest. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Karolina shakes a head. “You don’t have to apologise. It might be three in the morning, but I still love waking up next to you,” Karolina whispers back, her lips curved into a small smile.

Nico is unable to resist returning the grin. She’s aware of how confident Karolina has become lately, especially in their relationship, and she genuinely finds it quite alluring.

She thinks back to the moment they shared earlier in this very bedroom. Nico had felt lousy about herself and was filled with regret with how she acted. Most of all, she was afraid that she had blew it with Karolina. But the taller girl had been so understanding and sweet and so damn charming.

_Luckily, I'm really good at warming you up_.

Nico suddenly realises that  _holy shit_ , Karolina is the smooth one in this relationship.

“What was that?”

Apparently, Nico had said that out loud.

"I can't believe you're the smooth one in this relationship," Nico gapes. Her recent revelation is starting to make her view her girlfriend in a new perspective.

Karolina lets out a soft laugh, her eyes twinkling in the darkness. "And I still can't believe that you're a cuddler," she quips cheekily. 

Nico rolls her eyes. "Shut up," she huffs, but her words have no maliciousness behind them. "I'm cold. I was being serious when I said that there was a draft in this room," she defends.

"And I was serious about warming you up." Karolina rolls onto her side and looks over her shoulder at the other girl.  “Get over here.”

Nico ignores the blush rising to her cheeks and scoots over to put an arm around Karolina, hand resting on her waist.

“Also, I can’t believe that you’re the big spoon,” Karolina teases, laughing when she hears Nico groan.

Karolina takes the hand on her waist and pulls it tighter around herself until it’s pressed against her stomach, leaving her hand on Nico’s. Nico smiles broadly and quickly leans up to press a chaste kiss on Karolina’s cheek before laying back down. Nico closes her eyes, feeling safe and warm, and falls asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_3_

 

  
"You're so pretty." 

For once, they aren't spooning. 

They are both lying on their sides, their faces inches apart. They are both nude, the old blanket from their bed barely covering them. Nico has an arm slung over Karolina's bare waist and a leg pressed between hers. She is vaguely aware of the feather-like strokes the taller girl is making on the curve of her hip.

When Karolina came into their room after Nico's argument with Molly, she had expected them to talk and then make out for bit. 

And they did, which led to hands desperately pulling off clothing and them taking the next step in their relationship.

It was their first time, both as a couple and individually, and so as expected, it wasn’t perfect. It mostly consisted of clumsy movements, lots of blushing, and giggling. But Karolina had been gentle and as sweet ever and as far as Nico was concerned, it was perfect to her. 

"You're so pretty," Karolina repeats. Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper, just loud enough for the both of them to hear.

"Says the girl that glows," Nico replies. 

She isn’t glowing anymore, but Nico still can’t get the image of Karolina’s naked body beneath her, bright pink and purple lights radiating from her skin, out of her head.

Truth be told, Nico hasn’t been able to think about anything else but Karolina for the last ten minutes. The sight of Karolina lost in bliss, her neck and chest smeared with red lipstick, the way she became pliant under Nico’s hands, the soft sounds of pleasure escaping her throat… it all has been seared into her mind. Nico doesn’t think she’ll be able to think of anything else for the rest of her life.  

A brief breeze from the hole in the ceiling washes over them, blowing strands of blonde hair into Karolina’s face. Nico brushes them back from her face and lets her hand lie on Karolina’s chest, tracing the details of her collarbone.  

“Are you cold?” Karolina asks softly.

Nico shakes her head. “You’re actually really good at keeping me warm.”

Karolina grins mischievously, eyes glinting as she says, “Since clothes no longer have a purpose here… new rule – no clothes permitted in this bed. Clothes off at the door.”

Nico’s jaw drops. “Oh my god, you’re the horny one in this relationship.”

“When you look like  _that_? Can you blame me?” Karolina quips.

Nico rolls her eyes. She’s about to return the banter when something stops her. She isn’t sure what it is, doesn’t know how to define it; there’s just something about the way Karolina looks in that moment - relaxed, carefree, happy – that fills her chest with a pleasant ache. The sarcastic remark dies on her tongue.

She drops her gaze to Karolina’s mouth, marvels at how pretty and pink it is. She slowly runs her thumb over the curve of Karolina’s bottom lip and becomes slightly addicted to how soft it feels under the pad of her thumb. Nico knows that it’s even softer against her own, so she leans forward and presses her lips against Karolina’s, suddenly set out on a mission to kiss the dumb grin off her face.

Somewhere between their kisses, Nico rolls on top of Karolina, her thighs bracketing her hips. Karolina’s hands slide down to the space below Nico’s waist and hold her tight. They stay like that for a while; licking into each other’s mouths, gently caressing bare skin, and just enjoying being with each other. Gradually, their kisses become slower and lighter and they finally pull away.

Nico lets herself linger, allows their noses to brush. She’s now aware of how heavy her eyelids are beginning to feel. “I’m exhausted,” she sighs, fighting back a yawn.

“Did I wear you out?” Karolina smirks, her tone smug.

Nico suppresses another eyeroll, but she can’t stop her mouth from twisting into a smile. “Shut up and hold me.”

The pleased look on Karolina’s face remains as she circles an arm around Nico and pulls her against her chest. “I totally did.”

“Shh,” Nico hushes and snuggles into the blonde’s side, placing her arm around her abdomen. Resting her cheek on Karolina’s sternum, Nico closes her eyes and feels herself slowly succumb to slumber. “Go to sleep.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_4_

 

 

“ _Jonah killed Amy_.”

Nico doesn’t know how long she has been staring at the ceiling. All she knows is that those few words have been echoing in her mind throughout that period of time.

Part of her is livid and thirsting for justice but another part of her wants to curl into a ball and weep until the pain subsides. A larger part of her just wants sleep. Nico doesn’t know what to do.

She glances over to see Karolina’s back, the quiet snores coming from her indicating that she’s fast asleep. Almost instantly, the fury bubbling in her begins to ebb away.

Ever since Nico lost her sister, she has never allowed herself to let people get close. She distanced herself from everyone, too afraid of the possibility of losing someone again. She built herself a fortress made of concrete walls, covered the gate with chains and threw away the key. For years, no one managed to tear down her walls and she had successfully isolated herself.

But then, the amiable and compassionate Karolina Dean came back into her life, politely knocked on the door and Nico had let her in.

Nico never thought she’d let anyone near again. But here she is, laying in a bed she shares with someone that makes her feel safe and loved, someone who makes her happy.

Someone who she hasn’t cared this much about since Amy.

Nico doesn’t ever want to sleep without Karolina by her side.

She moves across the bed until she’s pressed up against Karolina’s back. Touching her forehead to the top of Karolina’s spine, Nico plants a light kiss to the back of her shoulder and shuts her eyes.

Just as she’s about to doze off, Nico makes a silent vow to herself. Jonah has already hurt the person Nico cared about the most. She won’t let him do it again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_5_

 

 

In hindsight, Nico should've seen this coming. Her girlfriend is a tall, blonde and gorgeous sweetheart that glows – she is essentially a Greek goddess. Going into their relationship, Nico knew that Karolina would have people throwing themselves at her from all directions. She had been prepared for that. What she  _hadn't_  been prepared for was to walk in on a stranger down on one knee, asking for her girlfriend's hand in marriage.

After lonely days and sleepless nights, Nico should be ecstatic that she and Karolina are on good terms again. But here she is, sitting in bed with her back against the headboard, a frown present on her face.

The door creaks open and Karolina enters, just returning from showing said stranger, Xavin, a room to stay in. Too exhausted to deal with the situation, the team had agreed to let Xavin stay the night and to figure out what to do with her – them? - in the morning. And of course, Karolina was the one to escort Xavin.

“I put her in the room next to my mom’s,” Karolina says, shutting the door behind her.

“Not worried that she’ll propose to her too?” Nico can hear the evident bitterness in her own voice.

Karolina climbs onto the empty space on bed. She lies on her side, her head resting on her hand. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Nico tries not to wince at how defensive she sounds.

Karolina reaches for Nico’s hand and squeezes it lightly. "You don't have anything to be worried about, you know." 

"I know," Nico mumbles, not looking at the other girl.

"Are you jealous?" Karolina teases, an amused smile on her lips.

Nico turns to face Karolina. She isn’t good at this sort of thing – or anything that had to do with opening up. She swallows nervously and begins, "After what happened with..." Nico stops herself and rephrases, "After that night I almost lost you. I just got you back. And…” She trails off, suddenly aware of how dry her mouth is and how rapidly her heart is beating.

Nico fucking hates feelings. She hates talking about them. She hates that she has so many and hates how much they affect her. But Karolina makes her feel so many feelings and Nico needs her to know that. She takes a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose you again,” she admits. “I don’t think I can.”

Karolina’s eyes soften and her lips curl into a small smile. "You won't." She reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind Nico’s ear, her thumb brushing against her jawline. "I can't lose you either." 

A comfortable silence settles between them as they lay there, just looking at each other. Karolina's eyes are bright and comforting and Nico wants to drown herself in those oceans of blue. For a moment, she can almost pretend that they're just two normal teenagers in love. 

Nico wants to spend the rest of her life like this - lying in this bed, with Karolina, forever. The three words that have been forming on the tip of her tongue spill out. 

"I lo-" 

"You're my best friend," Karolina says suddenly. Her gaze is soft but steady. "You've always been. When I said that I couldn't get through all of this without you, I meant it. This past week has been hell and I know that it’s my fault." A timid look forms on her face. “I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

Nico shakes her head. “I get it. You needed time.”

Karolina silently stares at her for several seconds, looking like she has a million thoughts running through her head. She leans in and kisses Nico, lips gentle and reassuring. Nico kisses her back, bringing a hand up to tangle in locks of gold. Karolina’s lips part slightly, and Nico throws herself into the kiss, returning it with more force. Her mouth is quick and desperate, her grip on Karolina’s hair tightening. Nico forces herself to focus on the sensation of Karolina’s tongue sliding against hers because if she doesn’t, she thinks she might start to cry because  _god_ , she loves Karolina so much.

Eventually, Karolina pulls away with a soft smile, her breathing heavy and cheeks tinged with pink. “I know that things have been complicated between us recently but..." she pauses briefly, her voice tentative, "... do you want to sleep here tonight?" 

Nico can't stop the massive grin that makes its way across her face. "Of course." 

Karolina beams and grabs Nico by the hip, pulling her body against her own. Nico has missed this; sleeping together with her face pressed into the crook of Karolina’s neck, their arms wrapped around each other.

Karolina dips her head down and presses a quick kiss on the top of Nico’s hairline. “Goodnight, babe,” she murmurs.

Nico’s cheeks are starting to hurt from the smile that’s been permanently plastered onto her face. “Goodnight.”

Nico closes her eyes and for the first time in days, she sleeps soundly. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_+1_

 

  
Nico can't sleep. 

Which is frustrating because after an entire day of running from drones and getting beaten up by her own parents, she should be exhausted. And she is - her eyelids are practically sealed shut and she feels as though her limbs are being weighed down by anchors. She's dead tired but for some damn reason, she just  _can't_  sleep. 

A cool breeze washes over her, sending a wave of shivers up her spine. She's starting to get annoyed now; she is exhausted and freezing and the blanket covering her is doing nothing to shield her from the cold. 

Seeking warmth, Nico rolls onto her side and reaches over to wrap her arm around Karolina.

Except she doesn't. 

Instead, her arm collides with a lumpy pillow. 

Her eyes flicker open and instead of the head of blonde hair she has become accustomed to looking at, all she sees is an empty space next to her. 

That's when she remembers. It hits her like a sack of bricks plummeting from the sky and crushing her chest, suffocating her.  

Karolina is gone. 

Just when she'd gotten Karolina back, she is taken away from her. Again. 

Nico wants to scream, wants to break something, wants to tear the world apart. Hasn't she lost enough? The universe has already taken Amy from her - why did it have to take the only other person that she loves as well? 

It doesn't stop its cruelty there. Even after the universe has taken away everything from her, it still manages to crush the remains of her shattered heart. 

Karolina isn't here and yet, somehow, she is  _everywhere_. 

Everywhere Nico looks, she sees her. From the books on the dresser, to the white dress on the armchair. Even the broken lamp lying on the floor is a reminder of what Nico has lost.

It had been an accident. They were in bed, Karolina on top of Nico, straddling her. They had been kissing ferociously when Karolina pulled off Nico's belt and tossed it aside a little too enthusiastically. The buckle had gotten caught in the lampshade and as it toppled down, it brought the lamp to the ground with it and shattered the lightbulb. Karolina had been red with embarrassment, but Nico simply laughed and pulled her down for another kiss. They fell sleep that night with Nico's arm wrapped securely around Karolina's waist, her lips resting on the curve of her shoulder blade.

Nico is suddenly aware of how cold and bare her arms feel. Her breath hitches in her throat and Nico tells herself that it's because of the wind. She gets up and walks towards the dresser. Ignoring the items on top of it, she roughly yanks open a drawer in search of thicker clothes. 

She digs around the drawer until her fingers find something soft. She pulls it out of the heap of clothes and feels a lump form in the base of her throat when she sees it. A sharp pang hits her in the chest.

It's a sweater, worn cotton in various shades of pink. 

Karolina's sweater. 

Her eyes are burning with pressure, hot tears threatening to spill. She forces herself to take a deep breath.

She slips the sweater over her head and is instantly engulfed with the smell of cheap floral-scented shampoo and a sense of familiarity and comfort. 

Nico returns to bed and lies on her side, staring at the pillow next to hers. Nico pulls it close and  _fuck_ , it even smells like her. The stabbing in her chest intensifies.

Nico shuts her eyes and for the briefest second, she almost believes that it's Karolina she's holding. 

An involuntary whisper escapes her lips. " _Come back_." 

It isn't until she becomes aware of the slight dampness of the pillow under her cheek that she realises that tears are running down the side of her face. 

Even with the sweater on, the bed feels colder than ever.   

Eventually, somehow, she manages to fall asleep. And finally, Karolina is back in her arms.

**Author's Note:**

> nico cannot sleep without karolina :)))))))) i am fiNE :)))))))
> 
> this is the first time i've written a deanoru fic so please validate me. constructive criticism is appreciated. feel free to cry about deanoru with me in the comments if you want


End file.
